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12.22.2010

A Christmas - So There I was ...


So There I was ...

In the cosmetics department in Target on December 22. 

There was a disturbance in the force. I was first aware of it as a matron rushed around the corner clucking her tongue. I rounded the end of the aisle and a Hispanic mother backed into me.  She didn’t notice as she was staring at a man halfway up the aisle.  He was interesting. Well over six feet, bald, agitated, rocking and muttering, with some sort of a palsy thing going on with his left arm. And Tattoos, lots of them, the homemade variety. If your home was Folsom Prison. Not just arms but neck throat and head. Some recognizable symbols that bode no good towards no one.  And completely fixated on the display of Cover Girl makeup.

I watched him for a minute.  His cussing was definitely directed towards the product. He was clearly in the throws of a dilemma  and in need of assistance.

“How the %(*^#ing  $%#@ am I supposed to figure this out?”

“Sir? Do you need a little help?

“Do you work in this  #^*)ing %$&()#^&*( ?”

“Not precisely, but maybe I can help anyway.”

“My daughter wants some of this eyelashes goop. But apparently it has to be exactly the same as her old goop.”

“Girls do tend to be loyal to their goop. Do you know what kind of goop she had?”

“It’s THIS #%&(ing  %)#@ here!”

And he showed me a well used tube of Mascara. Pink and Green - He had the Cover Girl part right - I was impressed.

“Well, excellent, so you want one of these ones right here.”

I ain’t stupid, but if you use your eyes you will see that there are about two dozen #%&(*ing types of this pink and green goop.”

“Yes, you’re right. There are shades of goop.”

“No #&$( !”

“There are browns and blacks”

“THERE ARE SIX @%&*ing KINDS OF BLACK.”

“May I see her goop?”  He handed it to me. All the outer markings had been worn off. Now I understood his problem.  I opened the tube and withdrew the brush. “Very Black - the darkest one here - This one.” And I pulled one off the rack for him.

“You sure?”

“Quite”

“You actually telling me that you all can tell the difference between six kinds of black?”

“No, Of course not, But we THINK we can and that’s all that matters.”

“HA! I thought so.” He looked at the two tubes. “This is right?”

“She’ll be very impressed that you found it. You don’t have to tell her that you had help.”

“I just want her to be happy.”

“Of course you do.  Is that all you need?”

“Yeah, I’m done. Thanks. You saved my life.”

“I’m just here to serve. Merry Christmas”

He sighed deeply and walked up the aisle towards the checkout lanes. Then her turned.

“It is waterproof? She said it had to be waterproof.”

“Got you covered. - Your girl a bit of a crier?”

“Oh. My. God. Don’t get me started!”

.







Comments:
Wonderful!
 
Made me a bit of a crier, too. Well done, Ms Peggy. The opportunities I miss by not being in the cosmetic department.
 
Thanks Joseph and I hope that you weren't just crying about my spelling.
 
This. is. awesome.
 
I think it's entirely rational to be terrified at the cosmetics counter.

I am so glad the eyeglasses are completely incompatible with all that goop.

And I am glad the guy found the right minister for his needs.
 
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